Photo Courtesy of: Colleen Tirtirian

Content Guidance: This story briefly references infertility, pregnancy loss

I have a confession: I envy mothers who enjoy infants.

Yes. That’s correct. I am not a baby person. Yet, here I am . . . with twins.

Babies, however cute others may think they are, fall into a range of looks to me: anywhere from shriveled raisins to blobby little aliens. This is not to say that infants are not angelic, but I happen to have trouble seeing it at times.

When family or friends in my life started having babies, I would meet the infants and hold them, as…


Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

I am the first car stopped at a red light.

Two empty carseats behind me, the absence of my children’s singing, crying, makes me uneasy.

I remind myself I am meant to be alone right now.

I stare at the green-shuttered house on the corner, its Tudor-style architecture hidden by overgrown ivy.

And I am thinking of you, old friend, when we talked about her ghost.

How her children must have missed her.

We suspected she haunted the green-shuttered house. Being teenagers, this seemed an easy way to reconcile such an absence.

They said she was found in the closet…


Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash

I grew up in a home where I was encouraged to discuss my problems to work through them. However, if I didn’t come to an immediate solution or if I stayed upset, it was frowned upon. In my parent’s eyes, everything had an easy solution. Perhaps you can relate.

I learned from a young age that saying “I am fine” was the past of least resistance to creating peace — not peace within myself, but peace within the home. I don’t harbor any ill feelings toward my parents over this. I appreciate it in some ways because they remind me…


Photo by Jelleke Vanooteghem on Unsplash

As a mother to twins, I often find myself trying to find more hours in the day when they simply do not exist. When you have a baby (or in my case, babies), a tricky thing happens; you need to learn how to balance your pre-baby life and relationships with your new day to day life, one that’s filled with spit up and nap schedules. For some, this balance is not really a priority. However, as someone who greatly values social interactions, I knew I needed to figure out a way to keep my relationships in my life, despite a…


Perfection is entirely overrated. It’s time to get real about motherhood.

Photo by Senjuti Kundu on Unsplash

Parenting is an incredibly messy job. It takes strength, courage, and determination to surmount some of the challenges that parents face on a day-to-day basis. Add to it the behemoth undertaking of doing it during a pandemic, and you’ve got a recipe for some seriously burnt-out parents.

Though it’s not all doom and gloom, I think there is something many parents can agree on: It’s a tough gig. So why are we constantly being bombarded by images on social media that make parenting, specifically motherhood, look glamorous? It’s truly…


Reconnecting with creative energy in the face of a global pandemic.

Photo by Alex Mihai C on Unsplash

Creativity Burnout — I hadn’t thought about this before COVID. Creativity is meant to be an outlet from everyday life, after all. But what happens when your whole life comes crashing down around you (as it has for most of us during this pandemic)? The first thing to go are creative endeavors. At least that’s how it’s happened for me.

When I started reading news about COVID, I remember worrying about how we would handle it when it came to the United States. My husband and I knew that it would come here, as we were very closely following its…


My misplaced sadness reared its ugly head at her in the form of anger.

Photo by KaLisa Veer on Unsplash

I’ll start by saying it first: I was an asshole for being angry at someone who was struggling with depression. My friend, let’s call her Jen, is like a sister to me. We have been friends since the first grade — our lives running parallel to each other throughout the years.

I can clearly remember the first time I met her. School had been canceled that morning due to a snowstorm. I put on my snowsuit, boots, hat, and gloves, and ventured outside. I knew someone…


Having a baby doesn’t erase years of struggle.

Photo by Hal Gatewood on Unsplash

“It’s a really hard journey, physically and mentally. Nobody really understands unless you have gone through it. So many doctors, so much false hope. People want to be asked about it. Talking helps, but I feel it is still a bit taboo. When you are in it, you feel like it will never end.” — Lindsey, reflecting on her journey with infertility.

Trying to get pregnant (or TTGP as it’s called in the online world of fertility) typically begins with an optimistic outlook. You do the deed, you wait a few weeks…


How a diagnosis finally helped me understand the events that unfurled parts of my life.

Photo by David Marcu on Unsplash

Fifteen years can go by in the blink of an eye, or it can feel like you’ve been walking through thick mud. For someone struggling with undiagnosed depression and anxiety, the latter is likely true. That’s how it was for me, anyway.

During my teen years, I often had a feeling that I was struggling with my mental health. More precisely, my first inkling that I was facing a struggle was at fourteen. …


How changing my approach to social media had a positive impact on my everyday life.

Photo by Merakist on Unsplash

It’s no secret — social media basically knows everything about us. From the theory that Facebook is listening in on our conversations to linking you with people from high school — people you wanted to forget about — all those years ago (the ‘people you may know’ feature). …

Colleen T.

Writer of nonfiction & narrative. Lover of language and creative endeavors. Mother of twins.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store